9 Reasons Why Quiet Is The New Black

quiet is the new black - girl with finger in front of mouth

Have you heard?

​Quiet is the new black.

Picture the scene...

The room is filling up. People are meeting and greeting each other.

There are a few that seem to know everyone. They’re chatting endlessly, their voices filling the air. They’re seeking people out, you can’t miss them.

You might even feel yourself staring.

And over there, someone’s standing quietly.

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<em>Quiet is the new black.</em>

Picture the scene...

The room is filling up. People are meeting and greeting each other.

There are a few that seem to know everyone. They’re chatting endlessly, their voices filling the air. They’re seeking people out, you can’t miss them.

You might even feel yourself staring.

And over there, someone’s standing quietly.

They’ve only a few people round them at a time. In between, they happily amuse themselves looking around, taking in the scene.
You might even notice other people surreptitiously  glancing at them?
Being different makes the world go round. I love that. The traits we see in others that we’d love to have ourselves are irresistible to watch.
And that’s what happens when your quiet confidence shows up.
You’re irresistible.
It took me 30 years to work that out. 3 decades wasted.
All too often my self-confidence left me shaking and quaking in nerve-wracking situations.
And oh boy, there were a lot of those.
Meanwhile other people seem to be breezing along, confidently taking life in their stride. Holding the room, being the center of attention, all eyes on them.
And heck, that looked good, I wanted that.
But when I gave it a shot, I felt false, a total faker.
And my confidence ran screaming… agggh!!
So what did I do to coax my confidence out of the shadows?
I stopped driving it into the shadows in the first place!
What!
For all those years I’d driven my confidence away by denying one simple truth:
I’m quiet.
There it is. The honest, bottom line is I’m a quiet, don’t-like-too-many-words, not-a-great-fan-of-parties, person.
Call it what you will, but to me it’s ‘quiet’. To others it’s shy, dull, reserved…whatever.
Quiet is who I am.
Now me and my confidence, we have a great understanding:
I go out as me. No faking, no pretending and my confidence is right there with me.
But if I try and play the louder, social animal persona that so often seems to go with self-confidence, mine is nowhere to be seen.
Because that isn’t me, at all.
And increasingly, it isn’t a lot of people. Quiet people are coming out of the shadows. Quietly, of course 🙂
If you’re one of them, here’s 9 reasons why quiet is the new black…
1. You’re confident enough to be the authentic you.
Not pretending, that’s close to impossible for many people. Sadly, they don’t have enough confidence to go out as the real, wonderful person they are. By being the quiet person you are, you’re saying ‘Hey, this is me, no pretending’.
That’s irresistible authenticity.
2. You’re confident enough not to crave everyone’s attention.
Self-confidence is beaten by self-conscious every time. ‘Loud’ can often be a self-conscious disguise. As a quiet person, you’ll know that your version of joining in involves more listening and watching than speaking or playing to the crowd. And that says ‘hey, I don’t need all eyes on me to feel good’.
That’s irresistible self-assurance.
3. You’re confident enough to be different.
It’s easier to follow the crowd than follow your own path, for sure. But you know, your quiet confidence makes you remarkable. Quiet is more noticeable than loud because it’s unusual. The crowd have been overtaken by ‘loud wins’ thinking, but you’re happy being quiet.
That’s irresistible self-certainty.
4. You’re confident enough to say ‘no thanks’.
As a quiet person, you’ll likely have a socializing tolerance that’s lower than many ‘louder’ people you know. Parties and get-togethers aren’t always top of your agenda. You don’t need to be seen in all the right places, you’re happy enjoying what makes you tick.
That’s irresistible confidence.
5. You’re confident enough to listen.
Have you noticed that there’s no shortage of people wanting to talk? They seek you out because you’re genuinely happy to listen, to hear the whole story. And to offer something when you have something you believe is worth offering.
That’s irresistible inner calm.
6. You’re confident enough to feel secure with just a small group of close friends.
Your quiet tendencies naturally draw you to have a few loyal buddies. Their friendship is enough to let you know you’re ‘right on okay’, just as you are. Others looking on see you don’t need a gang’s worth of people to reassure that you’re lovable.
That’s irresistible self-belief.
7. You’re confident enough to spend time alone.
Doing your thing, just you and yourself, that’s a great day if you’re quiet, right? That recharges your battery, gives you energy and leaves you feeling calm and refreshed. And it says you’re in control of your mind’s chatter, you don’t need the noise and distraction of others to keep your thoughts at bay.
That’s irresistible self-possession.
8. You’re confident enough to do your own thing.
Quiet activities aren’t touted as cool. Partying is cool, though. No matter, as a quiet person you’re happy doing what floats your boat, not what someone else has decided should do. That’s rare. And precious. Others see you making your own way on your terms, happy you know best.
That’s irresistible self-trust.
9. You’re confident enough to believe in your own judgment.
When you need an answer, as a quiet person you most likely ask yourself first. You don’t initiate group discussions for advice, you seek your own solution. Heck, you know you better than anyone else. Others see you handling your difficulties with confidence.
That’s irresistible self-reliance.

Quiet is the new black.

Embrace your quietness and let your confidence shine.
No more wistfully watching louder, seemingly more confident others. Your confidence is thriving inside you. Inside the real you, that is.
Quiet you. Irresistibly, quietly confident you.

  • The person who knows their own mind, knows what best for them and knows loyalty is enough.
  • The person who is secretly admired for their confident ability to listen, to offer meaningful words and be at peace with themselves.
  • The person who is self-assured enough to let others have the attention and to walk their own path.

Others are secretly watching. You’re turning heads when you let your quiet self shine.
You and your confidence are irresistible.
Enjoy.
 

Spread the happiness!

Laura Tong

Laura is on a mission to help you reduce stress and grow your happiness by simplifying your life. Download her free cheat sheet: 5 Guilt Free Ways To Say No Without Offending Anyone (Even If You Hate Conflict)

Laura also hosts the Re-write The Rules In Your Life interview series where she shares awesome happiness and positivity tips from experts around the world. Click here to listen free to the latest episodes.

Laura ‘s writing regularly features on such top blogs as Huffington Post, Tiny Buddha and Goodlife ZEN. Her articles have been read and shared by thousands (and even translated into Serbian and Burmese).

She’s a published author (traditional and indie) and has written books as diverse as luxury travel, surreal fiction, autobiographical and personal development. You can get her latest book here:The Life-Changing Power of NO!

Laura is also Editor of Write To Done & Assistant Editor at GoodlifeZEN and hundreds of students have taken her course on building confidence.

Laura’s other passions include painting, renovating her house in France and building everything from Ozark float boats to hovercraft. She also loves travelling, adventuring and discovering just how awesome people are the world over. Follow Laura on twitter

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karen lawrence - September 12, 2017 Reply

Thanks this post couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I have degenerative health problems and support a number of close family and friends who have their own health needs. Have learnt the the hard way over a long period of time that I must look after myself in order to support others. I am able to actively listen to a terminally ill relative and encourage her to put her own needs first and not to leave her home and friends just for her family’s convenience.

Warmest wishes to you both, Karen

    Laura Tong - September 13, 2017 Reply

    Hi Karen, I’m delighted this post came at a good time for you. I’m even more delighted to hear that you’ve recognized how critical looking after yourself is for you and for others too. You’re doing an incredible job of juggling health issues of your own and in those you love and care about – that’s amazing. Time spent on you benefits everyone 🙂

Nils - September 13, 2017 Reply

Love it, Laura! The world needs people like you who stand up for themselves, their calmness, and quietude. It’s hard to embrace one’s introverted sides in a world that largely values the qualities of extroverts.

I struggle with this all the time, trying to force myself to be more extroverted instead of accepting my natural tendency to introversion.

Thanks, and keep up the great work!

    Laura Tong - September 13, 2017 Reply

    Hey Nils, so good to see you here. Thank you for your super generous praise. You know, I agree the world does seem to value the qualities of extroverts, but when I really looked into it, that’s more the kind of media type impression that we’re shown. If you talk to and watch real people, so often they value and yearn for that quiet confidence. Enjoy your natural tendency – it’s a remarkable quality.

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